


jesus christ, i'm never good

by thebeasknees



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor Murphy Has BPD, Gen, Isolation, extreme suicidal thoughts, it's from Connor's POV btw, self destructive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:49:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27887827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeasknees/pseuds/thebeasknees
Summary: I don't like it when i'm like this.OR: What it's like at night.
Relationships: Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Cynthia Murphy/Larry Murphy, Other Relationships
Kudos: 7





	jesus christ, i'm never good

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags pls hjjgkksjf i dont want anyone thinking i'm just fucking venting or sm

I don't like it when I'm like this.

It's painful. I don't like it. There's this feeling in my throat that's all tight and I can't breathe, i can never _breathe,_ and I can't move.

I have people to talk to, I just don't know why I'm like this. Was it something I did in my past life or something? I've never believed in things like that, but. Whatever.

I can't do this anymore. It's too painful, I can't do this anymore. 

I just want to feel good and I just want it to last for awhile. I just want to keep someone around without worrying if they're just gonna fucking.. Leave me.

I can't handle that. I couldn't handle it when Miguel did. 

I still can't handle it.

It's exactly what my Mom says. I destroy everything I touch. It's expected of me at this point.

I just wanna die. Dying sounds so much better than having to go on and feel the same way I always do every single day. I get my hopes up and then I get them crushed. Sometimes it's _myself_ I'm getting my hopes up on. I think I'm getting better and then bam, depressive episode where I don't shower or take care of myself for two weeks straight.

God, all I ever do is whine. I'm such a fucking little bitch, why can't I just get better?

This sucks.

Fuck this.


End file.
